You know, we really tend to beat ourselves up. But you know what else? As parents of children with Asperger’s, autism, ADHD, ODD, PDD, OMG (the list goes on) we get blamed. We get blamed unnecessarily and we get blamed by people we trust, which is so disappointing on so many levels. I get it, but please be on my side on this one.
Let’s pretend I’m talking to an invisible person who blames me for Michael’s latest behavior–or feel free to fill in your own person to have a “get real” chat with if it’s obvious to you who needs the following words spoken to them…
So let me get this straight: because my son has odd outbursts and undesirable behaviors, it’s automatically MY fault? Are you for real, person? It’s not like I don’t have enough going on already. You’re going to heap your judgment on top of my already cray-cray experience? Really? Like, Fo Real?
Guess what though? On some level we take it on, or at least part of it, whether we think we do or not. In creeps self-doubt and in creeps self-dislike and in creeps a whole heap of creepy crap that we then have to work to get rid of . . . and that’s what we’re going to work on today.
Keep reading for your NEW “notes to self!” if you’re not already saying these things to yourself. Let’s start with an apology. It doesn’t have to be specific even, but how do you feel when you read this?
Forgive yourself! Now, I fully believe that self-love is one of the most critical elements humanity needs to shift, especially when it comes to accepting people who are different. How’s this one feel when you read it?
Let’s take it a step further…
Now, sometimes we need to get down-right practical with ourselves, such as the following:
But with these different-brained kids that have joined us on our life journey, sometimes we need to get real, get-real-like-fo-real:
Because that happens and it’s truly OK. We obviously do not want to yell at our kids (or whatever) and we want to be kind and calm with our children at all times, but life happens. We get hungry, we get rushed, we discover an extra expense, we miss an appointment because of a breakdown, we get behind–gracious do we get behind, but just like Flylady says, “Jump in where you are.”
And because it’s true, life really can be celebrated each day. I hope you say the following real soon and create a joyfully delightful experience for you and your kids. And I hope you laugh and relax when you do something wonderful they’ll love. And I hope your kids look you in the eyes and you see them and they see you. That would be an incredible moment to build on . . .
And then there are days that we will need to say (and act on) the following:
And I hope you listen to yourself. Help is everywhere and in so many different forms. My help usually comes from therapists, chocolate chips, my children, walking, drawing and so many other outlets.
And sometimes because of what we’re going through, we need to really step back and remember:
We are the adult (most of the time anyway) and as difficult as that position is at times, it is we who must make the choices to get help, to stop, to say no, to rest, to love, to create safe space, to hold, to cry with, or to gently hug.
Our children need us and they need us at our best selves. It’s a beautiful world, but it’s a tough world for those of us raising different-brained children, diagnosed with autism, ODD, PDD, OCD, etc, etc, etc. . . .
Because in the end, you really do Got This!
Huge love and hugs to you,
Note: One of your next tasks is to get sticky notes (or any paper) and write yourself notes. If they come out negative, condescending, or hurtful, please copy these messages and read them out loud. You’ll be able to write your own loving notes to yourself soon. You’re lovable, don’t ya know? 😉
Also, please tell me about your notes on Facebook–I’ll write some for you if you need–just let me know.
Also, also, if you feel this will be helpful to someone else, please share with them. We can all use self-forgiveness reminders and shared love. <3